I don’t want to lose you…
My mind wanders late at night.
I look around at the people I see right now. All the people I love, smiling and laughing with each other. It’s so beautiful what I see. I love it. Having all these wonderful people surround me on a daily basis. I’m so fortunate, so loved, so special. Thank you for making my days shine with smiles even when my own heart clouds with worry and doubt.
And I flash forward to the future. I think how different my world will be. You will not be here. And you. And you… Maybe you’ll only be a short drive away or miles and an ocean can separate us. I’m so tired of making memories to only have them torture me during these lonely nights of nostalgia and remember when. But that’s the beauty in all of this. That amidst all this pain and heartache, I realize… you all mattered in my life. That is why I cry and hope for you to return to my side.
We may no longer be physically together. I may look at a room full of people, constantly looking for figures who are no longer there; people who have been there since my first year of college. I will feel an odd thud of remorse that would slowly sink to the bottom of my stomach. I will. I can already feel it sometimes, even if you are there. Right in front of me, laughing, joking, smiling like you always do. I find myself looking at the calendar that counts down the remaining, limited days we have together.
When June comes, when you all leave and spread your wings toward another sky, I will wish you the best of luck and happiness from the bottom of my heart. Because that is what you deserve. I believe each and every one of you are truly amazing and deserve the very best, whatever that is. The truth is… I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t want these days to go away. These perfect days. But everything has an ending.
I’m going to miss you. I really am. All of you. You’ll always remain in my heart, so please, let me stay in your heart. Somewhere, even if it’s a small corner you only visit once every year. Please let me continue to live there. Don’t forget me and all that we’ve been through together. Please…